Snow White & the Missing Waist
How media creates the projection of beauty for our kids
I’ve never wanted to burn a book until today. I was reading a Disney princess book as a bedtime story to my 3 year old…
“Mommy, her waist is smaller than yours and mine” pointing curiously at Snow White.
I calmly tried to address this very complicated concept my daughter was bringing up. This concept of projected beauty defined by brands and mass media.
Owned by marketing, the books we read, the toys she plays with, the movies and shows she’s watching. It’s all a compilation of ideas that are slowly creating what she will eventually determine is accepted as “beautiful”.
I quickly took this book and swiftly threw it in the trash. A sense of calmness came over me.
“Ha! I’ve protected her from this marketed idea of beauty!”
But then a sense of anger also arose. A deep sense of anger, that throwing it away wasn’t enough. I actually wanted to burn it, and burn what it stood for.
I try to teach my kids that beauty can be so many things. We want to believe that beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. But what you see, what is familiar, that becomes the standard of the masses. It becomes your standard.
“The phrase beauty is in the eye of the beholder means that people can have differing opinions on what is beautiful. So what is pleasing to the eyes of one person might be ordinary or ugly to another.”
I want my daughter to understand and believe that she is beautiful. No matter what. I’ve written about my plan to create a strong internal dialogue for her to help combat that media, and others, may at some time, try and conflict with this. But is it enough to combat popularized media?
Let’s just take Disney as an example. They are HUGELY popular. They have popularized characters and stories as a way to bring wonder and joy to children. I stand behind this and even understand the good intent. But intentionally, or not, they are also responsible for shaping the beliefs and values of our children. By making Snow Whites waist, and other princesses teeny tiny, they project beauty as unattainably “skinny”.
The internal belief that begins to manifest is: “If I’m not skinny, I’m not beautiful.”
Anything our children play with, anything they watch, everything they interact with, it’s shaping how they see themselves and how they see the world. It’s not the only thing, but it’s a BIG part of it.
Let’s take another example, Barbie. I love Barbie, but again, it’s a false projection of beauty. They are making movement to alleviate this issue by creating more “curvy” and diverse dolls, but it’s still very false. They all have makeup, perfect skin, wide eyes, shiny hair. NO ONE, I repeat, no woman looks like that naturally. This perpetuates a certain stereotype of what it means to be a “beautiful woman.”
What is considered beautiful is learned, defined by what is surrounding us. “Researchers now believe that beauty preferences are partly an effect of a rudimentary cognitive process that appears quite early in life… what each person perceives as beautiful stems from a complicated process influenced by both their environment and their perceptual adaptation” — Science News
As a child, I collected Barbies. I think Barbies do an amazing job allowing girls to dream and pretend. But again, this comes with a responsibility.
“The black Barbies aren’t worth as much”
That’s what my mom used to say. So… I began to not even want to collect them. As a half-black child, I saw no value in black Barbie dolls. I lined my shelves with white dolls. Proud of my collection. This was one drop in the bucket of defining a belief that white is somehow better, more beautiful. And this belief is so heavily wrapped into the brand. On packaging of their dream house, the black doll is single, tucked behind the plethora of of white dolls. And the “diverse” dolls mostly seem to have “white” features still. On the store shelves, the black and ethnic dolls are normally behind the white ones (now that I’ve told you, you’ll notice this trend).
As a parent, I’m angry. I can’t burn every book, I can’t keep my kids away from every touch point of this massive marketing of what is “beautiful”. It’s far too “popular”.
I try to buy less from these brands but gifts often arise from others. Kids have shirts, backpacks, dolls… it can feel impossible to stay away from. And honestly, I don’t want to feel like I need to stay away.
This post is a request, an ask. Can you help? What is the solution here? I’m trying my best and feel I’m doing my part to defend what I feel is to come for my daughter and my son.
But I need help, all of our kids do. It goes beyond just what is defined as beautiful.
We need less… less cartoons with skinny waists, less makeup on our child stars (cartoon and not). Less shows with white male leaders... less movies with woman as backdrop leaders…less projected stereotypes.
We need more… more range of what is beautiful, more authentic representation of how people really look. More representation of diversity in the leader roles.
If you’re in marketing, or creative definition of things that touch our kids. Please, please, please, take it seriously. Take the time to fully understand the mental projection you’re creating. Think strategically about what could go wrong inside these little minds that you’re helping form.
To our kids, you are part parent, part friend, part teacher, part role model. And that’s a BIG responsibility. And it needs to be thought about… every… single… touch point of your brand… and marketing materials.
And if you’re trying, as I know many of you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Seriously, I appreciate it. But I also must tell you… it just simply is not enough…
