Today I was exhausted. Exhausted from worries about family, about keeping them protected. Keeping them safe.
Keeping them safe during a time that feels like I have less and less control over the circumstances that are impeding on our lives. And sadness. Sadness of the lack of being able to even see my Dad and my family far away.
I told myself, just stop. Just stop worrying. How much can one person worry? But saying that only increased the momentum of the storm.
I tried all my normal ways to calm my mind. Journaling. Meditation. Listening to music. Reading a book. Thinking about something else. Doing something productive.
Nothing was working. And the storm lasted until 4am.
Finally finding rest but only to wake up feeling tired and still worried. I was desperate to understand the point of this storm. Analyzing it. Is there anything I can do to prepare for the rain?
The eye of the storm was gone, but the wind was still there. With heavy clouds.
And then my sister texted me. As I texted her during my storm when the song “Lean on me” was playing late in the night. A song that gave me the strength to allow someone to help, allow someone to help me monitor this storm. To tame it. Someone who could hold mental space for the worries outside of their own.
I don’t have many of those people. People I know I can just be me with. Be me with all my vulnerabilities.
And we talked, talked, and talked. My sister is one of my rocks. The one who has always been there for me. The one who always let me sleep in her bed and calmed me down when I was scared of the darkness even as a child. And this is a whole new type of darkness.
She is one person who can bring comfort to my storms. We may be apart, but we got through the storm together. As we have so many other storms in our lives.
And after the storm, peace. A feeling of deep, deep, peace passed over me. She calmed my storm. And sometimes you need a storm to find that level of peace.
And then my mind shifted to the world.
Is this all one big storm? What the world is going through? Will peace come if we show the love my sister and I did by accepting each other completely? No judgment, no walls to knock down. Completely free to be us.
Will this storm be calmed? Can we all be each other’s rocks? Can we find ways to support each other enough to weather this?
If you have the mental space, as my sister did, find those you love, show them you love them. Find those who support, tell them you appreciate them. We all need some level of love, appreciation, recognition, acceptance right now and always.
Because what happens to the storms that never get completely calmed? Do they continue to grow? Continue to expand? Who can hold a storm that big all on their own?
So let’s lean on each other. Because right now, we are not “strong”. Let’s calm the storms one by one.
And a huge thank you to those who are, and have been my rocks. Thank you for calming me back into my peaceful spot all these years. I don’t know where my storm would be without you. Many hugs, from near and from far. I love you. xoxo